


don't you notice how hopelessly i'm lost

by acreatureofhope



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fix It Fic, Fix-It, TROS spoilers (kind of), That's Not How The Force Works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21895855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acreatureofhope/pseuds/acreatureofhope
Summary: (TROS spoilers, of a sort.)He should be dead, he knows, would have taken it gladly if it meant she would live, but somehow Rey is looking down at him, hazel eyes meeting brown, and that shooting pain in his side is still there but it isn’t enough to stop them from clinging to each other, sitting amongst the dust and feeling the other breathe.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Kylo Ren
Comments: 37
Kudos: 467





	don't you notice how hopelessly i'm lost

He drags his body across the stone, every step sending pain shooting from his extremities into his core. It’s not the hardest journey he’s ever had to make, not the most painful, and the agony fades in his mind, lost behind the thought of one thing— _her._

She lies prone among the shattered remains of a temple built of horrors, eyes unblinking and unfocused, the glassy sheen one that he knows too well. It’s one that he’s caused, watched it appear in too many eyes to count, one that sinks into the weight at the pit of his stomach and gets shoved aside to address later because _she_ is the only thing that matters.

He shouldn’t have the strength to lift her into his embrace when he all but collapses by her side, to haul her up and hold her to him, bury his face in the crook of her neck and inhale once, twice, three times because he’s not supposed to have to live without her. He can feel her, lingering on the edges of his consciousness, and—he can _feel_ her. 

He sets his hand on her abdomen and _reaches_ , pulls at the threads of her that are woven into him, lacing together the wound that she had inflicted upon him as they stood on the fallen Star Destroyer, takes the piece of her very being that she had given to him and _shoves_. It clings tightly, won’t loosen its grip, and he pushes back at the force of her will that imbues every strand— _you need this more than I do now, Rey._

He can feel his flesh unknitting as he shoves her life force back into her body, but he keeps pushing until her abdomen rises under his hand, until breath escapes from between her parted lips. The searing pain he feels is lost when she reaches for him, when her mouth lands on his, and he can’t help but smile even as his strength leaves him.

-

She’s kissing Ben Solo. She’s _kissing_ Ben Solo. She was dead, and now she isn’t, and he’s as real as anything she’s ever felt, and she had imagined they might die here but she had never allowed herself to imagine _this_.

It’s the lightest she’s ever seen him, the most free, and there’s still so much to do—figuring out just how they’re going to get out of there, for starters—but for a moment she allows herself to bask in the warmth of Ben Solo, in the victory that they brought about together.

It’s only a moment, though, because then he’s collapsing back in her arms, eyes drifting shut and the _knowing_ drifting away from the edges of her mind, and she’s not strong enough for this, she’s not, but she reaches out anyway, grabs ahold of what little she can still reach of him and _pulls_. 

Something pulls back against her and she snarls, hauls him up into her body and breathes him in and laces her essence more tightly with what’s left of his. 

The Force hums around her—around them—and she shakes her head. 

_You can’t have him,_ she says, _I’m going to need him for a while._

The hum continues and she shakes her head more fiercely, her arms tightening around him, holding him up even as his weight threatens to crush her. _He’s mine. Find another. Haven’t we already given you enough?_

_Oh, let them be._

It’s a voice she knows, one that sends her back to the rocky slopes of Ahch-To, and she clings to Ben as Luke’s laugh rings in her ears. 

_I gave him my life to save him,_ she says, _you can’t take him away from me just because he gave it back._

The clamor of voices begins, two familiar sounds rising above the fray, and for a moment there’s a hand on her shoulder, a fleeting weight that disappears almost as soon as it arrives, though the comfort doesn’t fade.

_The Force seeks balance. There is no balance with one and not the other. Ben, come home._

The hum stops almost immediately, the voices falling silent. His body is heavy in her arms and she ducks her head, tears burning in her eyes, only to lift it again the moment he shifts. 

-

He should be dead, he knows, would have taken it gladly if it meant she would live, but somehow Rey is looking down at him, hazel eyes meeting brown, and that shooting pain in his side is still there but it isn’t enough to stop them from clinging to each other, sitting amongst the dust and feeling the other breathe. Her hand is knotted in his hair, his cradling the back of her head, and he knows he needs to have the wound looked at but he can’t bring himself to let her go.

He doesn’t have much choice later, when there’s the rumble of an engine above them, when there’s a palpable shift in the air as the transport settles. His muscles shake as he tries to lift his head, pain lancing up through his body the moment he moves, and he knows from the weight against his shoulder that Rey is as weak as he is, only the way that they’re leaning into each other holding their bodies upright.

Hands pull at him, wrenching a groan from him as the pain in his abdomen swells, and he can hear them, can hear the sneers and the fury as they try to tear him away. She holds them together, though, doesn’t release him even as the Resistance members try to force the separation, and her voice is weak but he can hear it in his mind as loudly as anything.

“No,” she says, the words nearly lost amidst the creaking destruction surrounding them. “No— _Ben_.”

There’s no strength left in him but he clings to her anyway, draws what power he can from the sound of his name and her voice and her arms wrapped around him, feels her pulse and breathes her in as his eyelids grow heavy and he slips from consciousness.

-

They come to in a sick bay, gazes locking from their positions on their respective beds, too far away to touch but as one in the Force—always as one in the Force. There are questions to answer and explanations to give, but even with the uncertainty that surrounds them, a promise hums through their bond.

_We’re going to be okay._

**Author's Note:**

> Otherwise known as "I WILL FUCKING FIGHT YOU, JJ ABRAMS." 
> 
> Hello. I'm back. It's been a hot minute. I blame a whole host of things for my absence but fully intend to resume musician AU soon and also rewrite the entirety of TROS (and I mean rewrite it. Not rewrite the nonsense we were given, but reimagine it myself because I was pleased with certain parts of it but the rest of it was an absolute clusterfuck and everyone deserved better and I did not read _The Hero With A Thousand Faces_ and watch _A New Hope_ for the purposes of heroic arc analysis in English class in high school to put up with this absurdity). Until then (since I need to rewatch literally every other movie and figure out exactly how I want that plot arc to go), have this which I began at 12:30 in the morning after seeing the movie last night, because I refuse to accept this nonsense. JUST LET THEM BE HAPPY, DAMN IT.
> 
> Anyway. Work title comes from "Misty," which is one of my favorite songs to play on the piano, the full verse being "You can say that you're leading me on, but it's just what I want you to do, don't you notice how hopelessly I'm lost, that's why I'm following you," which I feel fits these two rather well.
> 
> (Shameless plug: find me on Tumblr at reynoverthegalaxy (Star Wars)/acreatureofhope (everything else). Find me on Twitter @annacwrites)


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